Dealing with drama on the job is among the worst parts to be an executive. It has got the potential to suck living out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for lots of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The most effective exemplory case of that is one my clients - we will call him John.
John is the CEO of a production company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he covers it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he covers the latest drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like dealing with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We can all connect with John. We have all experience political situations that we choose to forget. Those times when we are caught in a peak of workplace drama - one person is upset, gossip in the business is rampant, and we feel such as a ping pong ball once we bounce around trying to create sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to accomplish? If you should be caught in drama, how will you get out of this dark hole?
To begin with, let's talk about what never to do. John illustrates this well. Each time John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, nevertheless when John he takes no action, they get mad. Final result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Many people get angry. The irony is that now individuals have a fresh issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, several things. To begin with, he distanced himself from the drama to the point that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became area of the drama problem because nothing got managed in a constructive way.
Among the basic principles of dealing with drama at the job is to acknowledge your emotional patterns once you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction contributes to the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have taken an alternative tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He would have expressed confidence within their ability to take care of the specific situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced a skilled alternative party to greatly help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which includes blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the facts of the specific situation and they include the next roles:
The Persecutor: "This business is this type of hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is just a real idiot." All the power adopts finding someone or something to blame for all the company's problems. Blaming another person makes people feel better and, obviously, it indicates other people have to alter, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is actually the victim in the drama. They use a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could try to find anyone to rescue them, or to blame, to be able to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Allow me to fix this. Allow me to take this on." "I could save the day." "Allow me to rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to greatly help people without being asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Most people learn the energy to be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they repeat this behaviour within their career without being conscious of it. As an executive, if you participate in this behaviour or react to it, you will escalate the drama and there would have been a price to cover - people won't want to do the job, you will feel drained at the job, and you will create a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you'll need to set the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Look out for drama triangles and start to look closely at who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful which role you often play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a specific role. Are people "bonding" together when they've another person to blame? Are they avoiding dealing with the complexity of issues by blaming one person? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Are you currently creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Are there some deeper issues in the business that need to be addressed? In that case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What have you been doing? Not doing? What have you been taking responsibility for? Have you agreed to accomplish a lot more than you want to?
- Whenever you get triggered by a dilemma, focus on grounding yourself. Do not cope with the drama until you may get involved without escalating your own personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by concentrating on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Understand that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get visitors to develop a healthier outcome.
-If you're too near to the issue available, get yourself a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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